Trials, tribulations, and tears: My ever-evolving journey with healthy ego development by Anna G.

This is my story…

(isn’t that how it always goes?)

Growing up, there were times when I wasn't the most confident person. In fact, I often found myself plagued by anxiety, fear, and uncertainty. For instance, when I was younger, I would get nervous when I had to give presentations in class or meet new people.Who knew third graders could already become molded into such jaded, and heartless cynics?!?

Compared to my peers, I struggled to even believe in my own abilities, while everyone around me seemed to have a healthy sense of self-belief. Little did I know that my ego development was playing a significant role in inhibiting these essential skills and abilities.

The fragile Ego, that delicate balance between self-assurance and arrogance. It had a tight grip on my self-belief. On the one hand, I felt that it whispered in my ear, fueling my doubts and magnifying my insecurities. It constantly reminded me of past failures and shortcomings. Painful, implicit memories that would haunt me, making me question if I had what it took to achieve my goals.

On the other hand, my ego was fragile and easily bruised; mine screamed insecurity. I couldn't handle criticism or setbacks, often leaving me overwhelmed with stress and exasperation. As a result, finding myself chewed my nails, twirled my hair until it literally fell out, and I would often find myself running to the bathroom, gasping for my breathe…

One particular experience stands out as a vivid example of how immature ego development, at the time, hindered my healthy self-belief. As a kid, I had always been passionate about writing. I would lay around for hours, making up imagined stories, and far-away places where I would travel. Yes, the writing bug often bites in a dreamy sorta half-vision…The one where everything seems oh, so clear yet tragically fuzzy, all at once.

But whenever I shared my work with others, I would become consumed by anxiety…

I feared their judgment. And my perception of rejection. This fear was so miserably paralyzing that I kept my writing hidden, locked away in the depths of my computer, never allowing it to see the light of day.

Along with much for that children’s book that, by the age of thirteen, I just KNEW was buried deep inside… the one filled with teen-angst and heart-throbbing tragedy. Yeah, as kids - we just aren’t quite ‘there yet…’ But it all feels so ephemeral. So…real.

For a brief while, I even toyed with the notion of creating an ‘altered ego’, yet much to my surprise, this ego ‘inside’ had been altered significantly enough! In fact, what I truly needed was to not only love the concept of 'a self' that I am continuously creating, but I also surrender this image, in order to more vulnerably accept it. Selflessly, as I created the things that served both myself, and other people differently.

So, back to that writing…

One day, I mustered up the courage to submit a piece to a local writing competition. It was a small step, but it felt like a monumental leap for me. The waiting period was excruciating, and my mind was swirling with self-doubt and negative self-talk. "What if they don't like it?" "I'm not good enough." "I should have never even tried."

When the results were announced, my heart raced with anticipation. My name wasn't among the winners. They even attached this very droll, little note…NOT YET! Holy hell, that stung! At that moment, I felt a surge of disappointment and frustration. My ego took over, and I berating myself with thoughts of failure and inadequacy. This seemed to reinforce all my fears and insecurities, amplifying my negative self-concept.Damn…that vicious cycle. It’s a real bitch, right?

But does it have to be?!?

As time passed, I realized that my ego was not the sole culprit. It has been just one small factor inhibiting my healthy self-belief. I began to understand that emotional regulation played a crucial role in my ability to navigate the inevitable uncertainties we experience throughout life. EVERY DAY. If I let my ego overtake my emotions, I would forever be caught in a cycle of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.

I started practicing mindfulness and self-reflection, observing the thoughts and emotions that arose within me. At first, it was a challenging process, but gradually, I learned to detach myself from the judgments and opinions of others. But in a more healthy way.

- I started to see myself from a healthier psychological distance, I would come to find out from my work with JEFFREY! (I believed so much, I joined their team!)

And I also discovered the importance of embracing failure as a stepping stone toward growth and success. With each setback, I began to see it as an opportunity to learn and improve.

What I have come to know is this - I realized that healthy ego development was essential. It wasn't about suppressing my ego, or my emotions, but rather nurturing them in a way that supported my self-belief. I acknowledged my accomplishments and strengths while remaining humble and open to growth. By shifting my focus from unhealthy external validation to internal fulfillment, and embracing ALL of my natural emotional cycles, I gained a newfound sense of confidence and resilience.

As I embarked on this journey of self-discovery, I encountered others who shared similar struggles, we still  have a lasting relationship with many of them to this day. I also realized that my struggles did not have to be theirs - Nor theirs mine. Emotional inference being the sneaky bastard that it is.

Rather compassionately and empathetically, mind you!

And we can still love, support, and humbly serve each other. Day-by-day. Unhealthy social conditioning aside… Yet, still I was able to feel heard. Seen. And more importantly, understood. I saw my value for what it was. Mine, to share in all its radiant brilliance.

Conversations with friends, reading personal development books, and attending workshops provided invaluable insights and support. It all became evident that I was not alone in navigating the effects of ego on healthy self-belief. Yet still, this experience did not have to become a battle, if I chose otherwise. And the more I continue to engage it, the easier and more fluid it has become.

Looking back now, these abilities were right there, within me, all along - as clique as that might seem. Now look at me! I write scripts and  draft thought-provoking questions for our guests at The Light Inside, as well as creating marketing materials for the show…and communicating with all of our contacts! Something I used to sweat over…ALOT!

In retrospect, I understand that healthy self-belief is not typically achieved overnight; although it can be.

Stranger things happen every day. Yet, nevertheless, initiating and sustaining these changes requires ongoing effort, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth. It is the result of emotional regulation, healthy ego development, and cultivating a positive self-concept. By nurturing these elements within ourselves, we can break free from the grip of an underdeveloped ego and forge a path toward self-belief, confidence, and ultimately, success.

This is MY story. Learn from it what serves YOU well. These are the core principles my involvement here at The Light Inside have continued to provide for me throughout my personal journey and evolution, and these are experiences, you too - can share!

So, if you are interested in joining me, and the thousands our program has helped globally (humble brag). The first step is easy:

Drop us a note HERE with the tagline “MY OPTIMAL LIFE” along with your return email address. Let's talk about joining you on this journey over a short call. 

The conversation starts with you, always. Our team can help you light the way…

Tune in to this podcast episode with self-Image coach, Rachel Lavin in the meantime to find out more about healthy self-concept and ego development. She is one of the valued-partners interacting with our community here at The Light Inside. Yes, making it (the ego) healtheir and stronger, is THE KEY to sustainable growth:

Healthy Ego Development: Letting Go of Inner Chatter and Embracing Self-love