J. Stamatelos

I believe the way we have been taught to approach personal change is entirely wrong.

Most self-improvement materials focus on a single strategy: brute-force transformation. We’re given an ideal to live up to and pursue it with all our might. If this strategy worked, we’d all become the exact people we want to be and go on with our lives. That’s not what happens. Instead, this strategy generates massive self-conflict with minimal long-term change. Even if we succeed for awhile, we often find ourselves back exactly where we started.

I almost lost my life to severe self-loathing and insecurity and have dedicated the last 10 years of my life to answering two key questions: 1) why do so many of us feel like we're chronically "not enough" no matter how much we achieve, and 2) what interventions actually work in fixing this? I've spent years reading academic papers, working with clients, and collaborating with others. After all this time, one solution stands consistent - developing a healthy self-relationship founded on self-compassion is the best way forward. However, this isn't always easy to do - and for many of us, the idea of it can even feel like a threat.

Before becoming a coach, I worked in counter-terrorism and emergency response. I specialize in working with men, previously ran the only secular men's group in Pittsburgh, and believe many of our struggles come back to men being unable to process their emotions in a healthy way.